I sat in the room just staring at the cocaine powder wondering what kind of power it had to control my life. Both my mind and physical being was corrupted by this 'little powerful stuff' and sheepishly I did nothing to reduce this. My arms were just on my thighs as I thought of what to do with this stuff. The fact is when sniffing an uncomfortable pain must be experienced in the nostrils but just for a short while, whether you like it or not. My heart beat raced rapidly as bent down with one of my fingers covering one of my nostrils. I took a strong sniff that I stood, went in front of the mirror and looked at my painful me, my image.
The afternoon sleep could not come as I expected every time I time I did the drug. My eyes were just fixed at the wall on the left of my bed and this time I was in a world full of thoughts and wonder. The rain outside was not that heavy and I could hear guys rush to their rooms. Again I thought about those who never do drugs, a part of me would be envious where the other saw them as those who always hid their issues manually. This was not actually the real thing since I knew that I had just destroyed my being and getting back into their league would be a process. The guilt in me made my heart harden to an extent that I was not afraid of anything and cared less of what people would say concerning me and my addiction.
At five in the evening I decided to walk to the christian union place. From a distance I could hear the praise and worship practicing and so I as a 'dormant' member of the team joining them would not have been a big deal. On the other hand I had nowhere else to go and spend my evening and the room was boring since all I could to relieve my exhausted mind was to play need for speed. I was just about to get to the entrance when I remembered that my usual friend was expecting me and so I had to turn back and head for the canteen where I knew he would most probably be found.
After the 'trade' I headed back to my room now feeling some dizziness and went straight to bed. My roommates were in the room but they could not have noticed that I was high. Within some few minutes I switched off.
Would this take the place of God in my life? I still wonder.
The afternoon sleep could not come as I expected every time I time I did the drug. My eyes were just fixed at the wall on the left of my bed and this time I was in a world full of thoughts and wonder. The rain outside was not that heavy and I could hear guys rush to their rooms. Again I thought about those who never do drugs, a part of me would be envious where the other saw them as those who always hid their issues manually. This was not actually the real thing since I knew that I had just destroyed my being and getting back into their league would be a process. The guilt in me made my heart harden to an extent that I was not afraid of anything and cared less of what people would say concerning me and my addiction.At five in the evening I decided to walk to the christian union place. From a distance I could hear the praise and worship practicing and so I as a 'dormant' member of the team joining them would not have been a big deal. On the other hand I had nowhere else to go and spend my evening and the room was boring since all I could to relieve my exhausted mind was to play need for speed. I was just about to get to the entrance when I remembered that my usual friend was expecting me and so I had to turn back and head for the canteen where I knew he would most probably be found.
After the 'trade' I headed back to my room now feeling some dizziness and went straight to bed. My roommates were in the room but they could not have noticed that I was high. Within some few minutes I switched off.
Would this take the place of God in my life? I still wonder.