I sat on my bed and thought of what I wanted to achieve in life. For a moment I knew that I was just fantasizing with life but another part within me saw a possibility. I thought of what most of my friends and those who knew me since I was a child would think of me if they knew I was stuck in drugs and was struggling to quit. My head felt heavy and I felt that I needed some more cocaine. I looked around the room and only one of my roommates was there. I could not even think of what to say to him since my whole being was exhausted.
After the shower I took my go down to the school's canteen to get some juice since I was feeling thirsty that could only be satisfied by the juice. The skies were clear and the sun found its way to my dark skin with ease that made me wish I was a bit light in complexion. Along the path that I had decided to use as a form of avoiding meeting some people I could think of my journey from where I started, as a freshman in the university, to where I was now. One could hardly believe that this was the same guy who once converted someone to receiving Christ three years back. I felt the guilt stirring inside of me and shame all over me. I wanted the last of this. The last dose. The last strip. The last cocaine in my body.
Coming back from the canteen I met a friend of mine who was my roommate back in first semester and was always high from the marijuana. He approached me in style and funny enough I was almost asking if he had some spared stuffs to take me high. I was desperate that I felt like I was developing fever. He wanted to know why I looked so dull and I told him that I was "formless" a phrase we use to show that we are either in luck of something or bored. But my case was luck of marijuana. Of course he had them but they were already booked by some other fellas and this made me more low. I walked bent low back to my room and I had a feeling that this was kind of a punishment from the heavens that I should consider quitting. How was I even to start the process? Whom was to help since I had pushed everyone aside?
I knew that the end was near... very near.
After the shower I took my go down to the school's canteen to get some juice since I was feeling thirsty that could only be satisfied by the juice. The skies were clear and the sun found its way to my dark skin with ease that made me wish I was a bit light in complexion. Along the path that I had decided to use as a form of avoiding meeting some people I could think of my journey from where I started, as a freshman in the university, to where I was now. One could hardly believe that this was the same guy who once converted someone to receiving Christ three years back. I felt the guilt stirring inside of me and shame all over me. I wanted the last of this. The last dose. The last strip. The last cocaine in my body.
Coming back from the canteen I met a friend of mine who was my roommate back in first semester and was always high from the marijuana. He approached me in style and funny enough I was almost asking if he had some spared stuffs to take me high. I was desperate that I felt like I was developing fever. He wanted to know why I looked so dull and I told him that I was "formless" a phrase we use to show that we are either in luck of something or bored. But my case was luck of marijuana. Of course he had them but they were already booked by some other fellas and this made me more low. I walked bent low back to my room and I had a feeling that this was kind of a punishment from the heavens that I should consider quitting. How was I even to start the process? Whom was to help since I had pushed everyone aside?I knew that the end was near... very near.
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